A very merry Un-Christmas

This has been a very odd holiday season for me. It started with Thanksgiving, it was the first thanksgiving I didn't spend with my family, although I did spend it with friends, so it turned out pretty well. Christmas was a much different ordeal. I know Christmas is supposed to be spent with friends and family, at least that's what all of the Christmas specials tell me, but this Christmas I spent alone in my apartment, the first Christmas in 22 years that I didn't spend with my family. I suppose I did have friends in a way, I did spend it with my friends from Battlestar Galactica, the 4400, and Star Trek the animated series. Now I know you could argue that those aren't real friends seeing as they are all fictional characters, and they don't actually know me at all, but it was the closest thing I had, so I spent it with them. I did have a short conversation with my mom, my dad, a longer conversation with Galen, and phone message from Jon, but that was the extent of any contact with real people. Also, Christmas is supposed to be about getting and giving gifts. While I did give a few gifts (I sent a package to Ellery and his family, and I have purchased and wrapped presents for Matt, Jon, and Galen) I did not actually have anything to open come Christmas morning. Now, before you think me a scrooge, I did try to ignite the Christmas spirit by watching the Polar Express Christmas Eve, in my opinion the greatest Christmas movie out there, but alas even that was not enough to put me in any kind of Christmas spirit.

Although, if there had to be a year to miss the holidays with my family this would probably have been it, since everything was different anyways with my dad having left and all, it wouldn't have been a normal Thanksgiving or Christmas anyways. Thus, I hung out in my apartment, as if it was any other day off, although it was an odd day off since all the stores were closed, and thus there really wasn't anywhere to go.

On another topic, I have decided a little knowledge can be a very dangerous thing. For example, I couple of months ago I read in the New York Times that red wine can essentially lessen the damage caused by a high-fat diet, significantly reducing all of the dangers that come with such a diet. Now, a rational person would probably say that you should try to enjoy a low-fat diet and drink red wine and you would be pretty healthy. I on the other hand conclude that I can sit around eating a tub of lard, and so long as I am drinking red wine with it, I will probably live to be 150. Same thing with green tea. It is supposed to have a lot of anti-oxidants, which fight cancer, so from this little amount of information I conclude that so long that I have drunk some green tea and can go out and smoke 5 packs of cigarettes, since I have the green tea to protect me, especially if I have some more green tea after words. Now and I know that cigarettes can cause other problems too, but I'm not worried about that since I have my green tea and my red wine, with those two drinks I'm pretty sure I can do anything I want and still live practically forever.

As I often do, to bring an end to this post, I will leave you with a quote, not because I think it is a particularly good way to end a post, or because I think anyone will find it interesting, but because at least it is an end. "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see." Taken from the Polar Express.

Tell them you love them

I wrote in my journal today for the first time since March 12th, 2006. I'm not really sure why it had been so long, I think I had forgotten to take it to Disney World, which would partly explain it, and then I guess I just never got around to it, but I've had the past few days off, off from school and work, so I thought I would blow the dust off of it and give it a spin.

It feels good to write down my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions. It is some kind of release. It reminds me of that song, "Breathe" "If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to". I don't know why I don't write in the thing more often.

I flipped through my journal, reading past things that I wrote and all, and I came upon this. It doesn't really have any relevance to anything, but I kind of liked it. I wrote it while looking out my window of the dorms last year in late fall.

The needles move with the wind. All of them holding strong against the onslaught of nature.
Nature sends rain next, trying to dislodge some of them, but most of them old on, only few of the
weaker,older ones, succumb. Nature changes her tactics and sends blistering cold day in and
day out. Some of the young ones are not able to survive and they fall, yellow and orange, the
colors of death. In a last effort Nature sends snow to cover the needles in heavy ice, weighing
them down, freezing them, killing them. Many more die, young, old, middle aged, the ice doesn't seem to care. But for everyone that dies many more live, clinging to the tree that gives them life, not willing to die, not willing to let go, not willing to fall. They hold on wondering if Nature will ever relent and allow the warmth of the sun to reach them again.

Finally, since I have nothing else to say, I will end with this, since I could see myself saying this in 40-50 years, "Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." -David Grayson

My name is Trevor, and I am an alcoholic

Okay, so maybe I’m not an alcoholic, but I like to joke around about it and make people think that maybe I am.

I’ve been thinking recently about this passage from the Scarlet Letter. You know, it is amazing how, when you get older, it seems like old novels seem more relevant than they did back in high school. I remember arguing with my English teacher about this passage, although now I tend to think she was right and my naïve view was wrong. The passage pretty much sums up one of the main themes of the book, so if you haven’t read it, you really don’t need to after reading this, “Be true! Be true! Be true! Show freely to the world, if not your worst, yet some trait whereby the worst may be inferred!” My teacher thought this was very true. I didn’t like it because it was saying you should hide some of your self and only show a part of your self, something which didn’t seem to sit well with me. After 5 years I seem to be better able to understand and accept this theme. I certainly don’t, nor would I want to, show the world the worst of myself, so it seems much more acceptable to show some trait whereby, “the worst may be inferred”. Although, I don’t know how I feel about that either. Thus, I play the alcoholic, sometimes the homosexual, sometimes the sexist, male chauvinist pig, the insensitive jerk, or a godless infidel. None of these are in fact true (at least not completely true, although they may be an exaggerated form of the truth). However, even if the world knows them to be false, perhaps it will allow them to catch a glimpse of a true negative trait, and from that perhaps they will be able to infer the worst traits. Why would I want people to infer the worst traits? Well, perhaps if they ever do find out they won’t be completely caught off guard. They could say to them selves, “I could see how Trevor could do that”. Also, it would lower people’s expectations, so that when I do mess up in some small area, they’re not surprised because they are assuming I in fact do far worse, which is most likely true.

(Note: I just don’t want anyone to worry. I haven’t murdered anyone, nor stole any significant amounts of money from anyone important. Nor have I raped, or committed arson. Nor is this an exhaustive list of things I haven’t done, just a short one to lessen any concerns that may be out there.)