Happy Birthday to Me

Well, it's official, as of 12:03am, May 5th, 2005, I'm an adult. I have just purchased my first alcoholic drink in the United States of America (for those of you who are wondering, it is a 24oz Smirnoff Ice Triple Black). It has taken twenty one years, but I have finally crossed the arbritrary age the government has set for becoming an adult. The only other milestone I have to look forward to, at least one dealing with age, is collecting social security when I am 67, a full 46 years from now.

The reality of this event made itself painfully real to me earlier this week. I said, as I have said many times before, "When I grow up I am going to get one of those." My roommate turned to me and said, "You're turning 21 in a few days, you are grown up." For the first time it really struck me, I am an adult. The thing that I had been looking forward to for years finally happened. Yet, as I sit here I find myself wondering why I ever wanted to become an adult. I always assumed that when I grew up, everything would make sense. I would have my life together. I would know what I was doing with my life, where I was going, how I was going to go about it. I would be secure with myself, I wouldn't be plagued with all of the fears and in-securities that have haunted me all these years.

I feel lied to. Where are the answers, the focus, the security? Aren't these things supposed to come with age? How much older do I have to get? Will I ever have these things, or are these things that will plague me all my life? Will I ever know where I am going? Will I ever know how I am going to get there? Will I ever feel secure with myself and my friends? Will I ever be able to stay right with God? Will I be able to stand strong and not let myself be seduced by sin, now push God away while allowing the flesh to draw me so close?

Perhaps I got it all wrong. Maybe those things don't come with so much as they come with maturity. Perhaps it is a continuing process that one never fully finishes. Maybe this age set by the government is not a magical passport to security. I guess I can hope, for if it isn't, then I have 46 years to wait, in hopes that it will change then. Of course, maybe it will all fall into place when I graduate from college, for then I will not only be an adult, but I will be moving into the "real world". If I don't have it all together then, then something must be really wrong with me.

P.S. I have finished my drink, and according to the Internet, my blood alcohol level is .03%, which means I can still go driving! It's great being 21.